


Bad Wolf

by disaster_imp



Category: Doctor Who, Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Typical Violence, Crossover, Gen, No beta we die like stregobor should have, Temporary Character Death, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:20:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29105472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disaster_imp/pseuds/disaster_imp
Summary: Lambert is on a contract. It goes a little bit not very well.
Comments: 14
Kudos: 27
Collections: The Witcher Flash Fic Challenge #014





	Bad Wolf

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Octinary](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Octinary/gifts).



> I couldn't get the whole Doctor Who thing out of my head, so... FINE.

The sturdy metal door swings open easily. Beyond it, worn stone stairs lead down into a pitch black void that even Lambert's mutated eyesight cannot penetrate. On the other side, the door is marred with long, deep gouges, made by some kind of claw. Sighing, he downs Cat, considering the implication of such marks on the _inside_ of the door, meant to keep something within, though it is not currently locked. Perhaps it was, once. Perhaps it was a personal prison, used by a werecreature to contain themself during the full moon. Perhaps, whatever it is, is long gone.

Wishful thinking and assumptions will get him killed, Lambert knows, and with so many disappearances from nearby villages, he acts cautiously. Thanks to the potion currently working its way through his system, the world around him soon bleaches of colour. Lines of peeling grey paint below the scratches on the door take on the appearance of liquid silver in his altered vision. He runs his fingers across them, and a shower of brittle flakes fall to the floor. Taking a breath that fails to be fortifying, he steps through the door.

Lambert follows the narrow passage of stairs down to a large, stone-walled room, cool and musty, empty but for a pair of coffins and the stench of multiple species of vampire. _Well, fuck._ He chases the Cat potion with Black Blood and Blizzard, shuddering as the toxicity seeps into his system. He hopes it's enough. Any more, and he risks incapacity. He ignores the discomfort with practiced efficiency and coats his silver sword with vampire oil. Prepared, as much as he can be, he steps silently out of the stairwell, sweeping his eyes expertly around the room, seeking access and potential egress points, obstructions and hidden spaces. Assessing _risks_. There is another metal door, twin to the one above, in the far wall. Another alcove with stairs leading up in the opposite corner, and an archway on his left that leads into another underground room. The ceiling is high and vaulted, far too elaborate for what is, at its heart, a _basement_. 

He checks the coffins first: they're as empty as the rest of the room, and proceeds to the archway. Past that is an identical stone-walled room, complete with matching stairs and doorways. A soft, whispering susurration sounds from behind him, from the very stairs where he descended, and he turns to face it, positioning himself so that he has room to fight, so that nothing coming through any of the entry points will catch him by surprise. 

First comes a katakan in its natural form. Lambert casts Yrden the moment he sees it move, and before he's finished casting he swings his silver sword. When the trap takes effect, it's close enough to cleave its head from its body with just a small adjustment, and Lambert silently thanks it for its predictability. It drops to the floor with two soft thuds, and a screech sounds beyond the archway. Next, a pair of bruxae approach from the opposing stairs, hands joined, more cautious after the katakan met its fate. Claws out, one opens her mouth to scream and Lambert casts Quen. They draw back when his sword licks out, slashing open a bare breast. Both jump back, snarling their rage. 

The metal door slams open, and in walks a strangely dressed woman, glowing with a soft golden light. Ignoring the rest of the room, she stares straight at Lambert, calling out to him in a voice that somehow carries multitudes echoing through time and space, ringing in Lambert's ears with tinny reverberations. "Doctor!"

The bruxae separate, one going for the newcomer, who circles away from the vampire and towards Lambert, never taking her eyes off him. He stabs at the attacking bruxa over her oblivious shoulder. Her mate screams and drops to her knees over her fallen companion.

"Fuck," the strange woman - _goddess? -_ says. "You're not the Doctor."

"And you're not very omnipotent," Lambert snaps, wondering what sort of creature this doctor was, that his black-eyed and heavily veined toxicity reminded her of it. "Get out of here, I can't - " he lashes out with his silver sword, spinning in place to cut down a fleder as it attempts to get the drop on him from behind - _"fucking protect us both!"_

"You look like the Doctor," the woman-goddess muses calmly in her multi-toned voice, seemingly oblivious to the danger all around them. She raises a hand to touch his face. _"So much like my Doctor..."_

More clawed and sharp-fanged creatures are approaching now, in several varieties of vampire, from every entrance bar the door the woman stepped through. Lambert opens his mouth to snarl at her, to get out of here by whatever fucking means she _arrived -_ preferably taking him with her, thank you very much - when a jolt from behind sends him forwards and onto his knees. He looks down to see that long claws have punched right through the sturdy leather that's meant to be protecting his chest, ripping and tearing and stealing his words away. He tries to breathe, instead coughing out spray after spray of his life's blood, thick and warm and sticky. A hand applies perversely gentle pressure to the back of his shoulder and the claws are yanked out again, and he falls forward, his last conscious thought silently begging the woman to escape while she can, and everything goes dark. 

When Lambert's vision clears, the woman's eyes are glowing with a golden light and he is being tilted painfully back up to his knees. A gasping, inhaled cough somehow sucks the blood he'd sprayed everywhere _back into his lungs._ With the same gentle hand on his shoulder, the higher vampire behind him shoves his claws back into Lambert's chest, but when he pulls them out again, the pain is gone and Lambert is whole. He bounces back up to his feet as if pulled by invisible strings. The encroaching nest of vampires step backwards, as if time is unwinding. The goddess waves a hand, and the horde of vampires is reduced to golden light, and then to dust, and finally, just as if they had never existed, to nothing at all.

"Who - _what_ \- are you? And what the _fuck_ just happened?" Lambert asks, his eyes a little wild. He's never seen such an incredible display of raw power before, not even when Yennefer's in a sour mood.

"Bad Wolf," comes the oh-so-judgemental reply.

Lambert scowls, looking down at his medallion. "Well that's just fucking _rude."_

Catching sight of Lambert's pendant, the goddess reaches out a tentative hand to touch it, causing it to vibrate gently. "Another wolf? No, _I am Bad Wolf."_

"You're Bad Wolf?" Lambert echoes, even more confused now than before.

"You died. I'm sorry. I brought you back, but - _changed."_

"Better than dead, I guess."

The goddess smiles a very human smile, turns around and walks out through the same door she entered. 

"Hey - changed how?" Lambert shouts, racing after her, but she has already vanished, leaving only the faintest scent of sunlight and cheap perfume lingering in her wake.

"Well that was fucking weird," Lambert mutters, sheathing his sword. He picks up the only trophies left, the heads of the katakan, the bruxa and the fleder that he killed before time stepped backwards, and exits the building as quietly as he entered it.

**Author's Note:**

> Lambert is immortal now, I don't make the rules.
> 
> If you are unfamiliar with the Bad Wolf storyline of Doctor Who and Captain Jack's resurrection and would like to be unconfused, [see here.](https://tardis.fandom.com/wiki/Bad_Wolf_\(entity\))
> 
> If you happen to have enjoyed this premise and want to write some resurrecting Lambert crack, please hunt me down and spam me with your efforts, this fic needs to breed.


End file.
